There it is. My baby! A car that I want almost solely only for its luxury (Lexus RX 450h), for the fact that it's so quiet inside, it handles well, I bet it's built like a tank. I'll keep the trunk clean, I'll never eat in it, I'll vacuum it monthly, no weekly, no daily, I'll be the best owner ever I promise!!
I was in bed last night thinking about cleaning my car - vacuuming out the 10 pounds of dog hair that I'm sure to find, cleaning out and vacuuming the trunk. Then I caught myself thinking 'whatever, this is just your old car, when you upgrade someday in the distant future, you'll keep that one clean!' But wait, that's never going to happen.
Oh no, the gears started turning. Is that what I always do? Well, I think that's what I do, I put the unattainable on a pedestal: in a completely different context from what the 40-year old virgin says: "..put the p**sy on a pedestal." "I'll eat better, I'll workout harder, when I'm thinner, smaller, healthier, happier, etc." That was exactly my problem.
Why do I deserve this lovely, wonderful, perfect car if I can't keep my own in the shape it deserves? It's not even that old - not even old enough to be in third grade (if it were human, of course)! I love my car. It's not quite a beater, but by the time I can afford to and will upgrade to something nice, I'm sure it will be just that. This car has taken me more than 100,000 miles, it's seen me through some really tough times!
I started doing Weight Watchers knowing that I'd lose weight if I followed the diet plan, and I was doing that - slowly. I said things to myself like "Yeah, when I'm 250 pounds I'll work out because it'll be easier" and "When I am in 'One-derland (the 100-199 pound weight zone, for the non-Biggest Loser fans) I will feel happy and then will even start to date!"
Not to say that I've just turned a corner or become suddenly enlightened, but I've figured some personal stuff out: I have always set goals for myself that I will never be able to, or that will be nearly impossible to attain.
I think that's why I started doing the Couch to 5K, using Twitter, and most specifically blogging. No more excuses and delays: I'll start concentrating on small 'wins,' begin my life now, not when something so unbelievably fantastic happens to me. Because, if I continue living in this twisted fantasy land that I'm in, if these unbelievably fantastic things actually do happen, I'll have no one to share them with!
I pose these questions to you: Why!? Why do I, why do you (if you do), why do we put ourselves through these cyclical nightmares? Do you do something similar? What have been your experiences with turning corners? I deserve this now, YOU deserve this now!
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