A little bit o' pity

I'm a very optimistic, upbeat dreamer. I take after my father in that way, my family always lets me know that.  I don't regret it though, dreaming.  The only thing that I hate about being a dreamer is this:  The higher you dream the harder you fall, if you fall.  I hold myself to very high standards, so it can be really difficult to go through these "falls."  I went through one today, and it hurt...

This morning I woke up with a general feeling of 'blah.'  The puppy I'm house-sitting for woke me up at about 6am and I had to take care of the her, and the cats. At about 8:30 or 9 I fell back asleep, until noon.  I was so irritated that I slept so late, I was just feeling grumpy.  The only way that I can explain how I felt was told to me on Twitter today:

OneHotDiehl Christa Diehl 

@ 

@300toFinally140 As my husband says. Bad words and violence!!

Three months ago, I applied to a top 25 in US University. I have a 4.0 in 3 classes relating to my course of study, and an overall 3.5 GPA. I originally took a non-traditional route in school, then took a job that I thought would be a great career choice. Clearly not. I want to just stop what I am doing in life now and finish my BA, maybe get an MA. As an older student and a female with great letters of recommendation, I thought that I'd have a decent shot.

I went home to meet my roommate, see a movie and do dinner. I grabbed the mail on the way in and found two letters from the school. I was immediately devastated because they were letters and not packages you get when you get accepted. But, seeing that there were two I thought that maybe I was accepted and was given additional info.

I opened the first letter: standard rejection letter.  I opened the second letter: standard rejection letter. I got rejected twice. In the same day. At the same time? For the one spot I applied for??? ARE YOU FLIPPING KIDDING ME? Talk about deflating a balloon (aka my spirit!!!).

I cried, and tried to hide it from my roommate, she bought dinner and our movie, which was so nice.  I didn't count Weight Watchers points, but I doubt I went over, getting up late took care of that for me.

So anyway, here's the rest of my pity party, party of one. I have now totally brought out all of my angry feelings:  I'm hovering around 260ish still, as I've been for 4 weeks. The job that I am supposed to start was pushed so that I'm unemployed for another month. I'm lonely from the male/female relationship aspect, which always comes out around my birthday, which is in about a month.

I just want to feel these feelings and then let them go. I'm allowing myself to feel this pain. But I'll admit, I'm SO frustrated.. Annoyed. Angry. Hurt. Sad. Self-loathing. Feeling worthless. You name it... Ugh.

Tomorrow is another day. I'll start investigating new schools to go to, I'll work out tomorrow, because I have to, not because I want to... I'm human, and I know that this too, shall pass.