Movin' on up, and lookin' back.

So, I took the unemployment train to job-town and got off.  As I'm still waiting for all of the dust to settle, paperwork and red-tape to be completed and rubber-stamped, I will only say this:  it's in sales, and I'm so happy to have a job again!

Now let me complain for a paragraph.  My last job had jeans and sneakers attire, and I was there for more than 3 years, but less than 10.  Yes, I'm trying desperately to pretend that I have a shred of mystery to myself.  I lived in comfort, which I think could have helped me get to the weight where I was at my highest (300.0!). Today I wore shoes that not only gave me two new blisters, but the one that I already opened up. My feet, well, you get the picture. Why do women put ourselves through this!?

Today I would like to address irrational fears.  I have so many of them that I can only laugh at myself.  These are my favorites that I can remember off the top of my head from childhood:

1. If I go on that sailboat, I will sink it, or will cause it to tip over when I change sides.
2. If I ride that horse, I will break its back.
3. If I ride that bike, I will pop its tires.
4. If I walk over a grate on a city sidewalk, I will fall through. This might explain my fear of falling.
5. I will sit in a chair and it will break because of my weight. (that may have actually happened....)
6. I will cross 200 pounds and die, or should die.  (that was at 183 pounds at about age 15)

Now, most of these fears came to be before I was 150-175 pounds, some of them as early as 5-6 years old (the sailboat thing, definitely by 5). Ridiculous to think that 250 pound men do the first 4 things easily without a problem and I was simply terrified. I don't understand irrational fears, nor will I try to hide mine.  I'm sure I'll remember more.

Last night I went through my closet to do inventory on what fit and what didn't.  I have some clothes that are brand new and never fit, but were in purchased in my "goal" category, but fit now or will very soon.  Some clothes are (finally!!) too big. Even better, I have some clothes from 3-5 years ago which are probably about 15-20 pounds away, meaning mid-summer.  I have a pair of Old Navy size 20 jeans (meaning size 16-18 at a Women's store) which are so close to fitting and I haven't been able to wear them in easily 4 years.

I can't even bring across in words how lamely excited I am about this.  From late 2004-2010, I gained around 100 pounds. I'm down to 262.6 (woo!), slowly shedding. I wish I could drop it in 5-6 months like in the Biggest Loser, but I know in "the real world" this takes time, probably 15-18 months total for me (from January 1, 2011).  Plus, as I've previously stated, Kate Middleton at St. Andrews age / pre-wedding scary-skinny is my total body look alike goal.

I could rant forever, but I will stop here. Comments are appreciated and welcome! :)